Books by Terry D. Hargrave

New!!  Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You

Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You (Zondervan, 2005) is a book on the spiritual journey of caregiving for elders.  This book not only gives the practical information about caregiving such as legal issues, housing concerns, and relationship problems, it also gives the reader a way to embrace the job of caregiving to deepen one's spiritual life.

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Forgiving the Devil: Coming to Terms with Damaged Relationships

Book DescriptionThe place of forgiveness in the field has changed dramatically since Hargrave began his work, with more and more professionals looking for ways to integrate a meaningful definition and effective applications into their therapy. Now Terry Hargrave's newest book, Forgiving the Devil, introduces practical ways to do both.  The title of the book is meant to reflect the essential idea that "forgiveness" can be an active -- and powerful -- healing agent, even in the wake of the most heinous experience. Whether or not a relationship can be reclaimed, there are pieces that can be salvaged from it and used … to protect, to prevent, to forewarn, to move on. And in cases where restoration is possible, Hargrave outlines the steps that may be taken to facilitate a shift from victim to victor in the relationship. The author's own moving story, which he shares here, coupled with case material and a thoughtful theoretical foundation, make this a uniquely accessible and penetrating resource for therapists and their clients.

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Families and Forgiveness: Healing Wounds in the Intergenerational Family.

From the Publisher Fueled by a fundamental belief in the strength and resourcefulness of families, Dr. Terry Hargrave sets forth a conceptual framework to help therapists and their clients negotiate the difficult pathway toward achieving forgiveness. Unflinchingly honest yet deeply optimistic, the volume is based on a complex therapeutic process that Dr. Hargrave has used - quite successfully - with numerous clients who have suffered severe violations of love and trust within their intergenerational families. He conceptualizes the work of forgiveness as four "stations" on the journey toward this goal. These include Station One: Insight, which addresses the origins of family pain and how insight can be used to make initial inroads to trustworthiness by stopping and blocking the perpetuation of unjustified and harmful actions. Station Two: Understanding pertains to the origins of guilt and shame and how the client can rework his or her perspective to ultimately reduce pain. The tough and risky work of forgiveness is the subject of Station Three: Giving the Opportunity for Compensation. It is here that forgiving is considered as a process by which the victim gives the victimizer the opportunity to demonstrate love and trust in the present so that the family can be reworked. Station Four: The Overt Act of Forgiveness is a step-by-step process, whereby a confrontation between the victim and relational culprit can result in a restoration of love and trust. The author provides vivid case histories from his own practice that demonstrate how each of the four stations plays out in a therapeutic situation. Practitioners will also benefit greatly from a discussion of the therapeutic issues facing the therapist who is helping an individual or family work through painful violations. Dr. Hargrave addresses the goals, pace, and assessment of forgiveness - ever vigilant to maintain the client's integrity and protection - as well as the role the therapist should play in each station.

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The New Contextual Therapy: Guiding the Power of Give and Take by Terry D., Ph.D. Hargrave, Franz, Md. Pfitzer

Book Description This brief clinical guide de-mystifies Contextual Theory of family counseling for practitioners and students in language that is succinct and lucid. Contextual Family Therapy is a profound, far-reaching approach that offers a comprehensive theory of integrating and balancing the concerns of individuality and togetherness. This book is written to expose a whole new generation of therapists to this important approach to family therapy. In making the volume short and accessible, the goal is not to re-write the work of the past but rather to give the reader the basis to see the power of the approach and give the foundation to understand the existing clinical guides. Through detailing and examining the four interplaying dimensions of relationships-objectifiable facts, individual psychology, systemic interactions, and relational ethics-Contextual Theory gives therapists the ability to reshape human relationships and solve problems using the strengths of trust, fairness, and freedom.

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The Essential Humility of Marriage: Honoring the Third Identity in Couple Therapy

Synopsis This fresh perspective on what makes marriages work will jumpstart the efforts of every couples therapist. At its core is Hargrave’s message that much of what is currently done in couples therapy misses the point, focusing all attention on the need to accumulate more and more skills and to work toward ever-greater self-actualization. While there is a time and place for both of these concerns, Hargrave suggests that the real answer resides in some new math. Where once we believed that two became one, and then, more recently, that two remained two, Hargrave proposes that in strong marriages, two become three. The Essential Humility of Marriage explores the landscape of “you,” “me,” and “we.” The book clearly ccarves out this third identity, and then describes how its expectations and desires can take precedence over those of the individual partners-without taking away from either one. Why the concept of “us” plays such a central role in satisfying marriages is explained, and ways in which therapists can help couples first to acknowledge and then to strengthen that “us” are demonstrated.  Hargrave doesn’t offer a single method or technique so much as an entirely new perspective on what healthy, growing marriages have in common, and where foundering marriages have gone wrong. He has written this book to help therapists help their clients to regain -- or perhaps to discover for the first time -- the rich mutual benefits that can come with a long-term relationship.  What People Are Saying  A wise, balanced, and original approach to fostering a strong ‘us’ in marriage without losing the ‘you’ and ‘me.’ Hargrave is on to something that nobody in our field has captured before.   — William J. Doherty

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The Aging Family: New Visions in Theory, Practice, and Reality
Terry D. Hargrave (Editor), Suzanne M. Hanna (Editor)

From the Publisher The Aging Family brings to the forefront issues that hold families together and often tear them apart. Written by distinguished authorities from several disciplines, themselves representing several generations, this book offers penetrating insight into the concerns - emotional and physical - that characterize the intergenerational family system. An important message throughout the text is that therapists must come to terms with their own resistance to dealing with later-life concerns, their own pre-conceptions about older people and the fact of their own aging. Respect, sensitivity, and awareness are the cornerstones of this book. They hold the key to optimizing the potential for well-being across generations. Whether the therapist is called upon to intervene on behalf of elder members to deal with such issues as depression, or to step in when younger members are trying to determine how best to provide eldercare, the perspectives presented in The Aging Family will both inform and enrich the strategies used

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Finishing Well: Aging and Reparation in the Intergenerational Family
Terry D. Hargrave, William T. Anderson

From the Publisher Offers therapists guidance in helping multigenerational families with older members understand and cope with the myriad challenges they face. The text considers such issues as: confronting death; life validation; life review; and exoneration, forgiveness, and healing in the family.

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